Tire"Less" Tears

I'm going to try to make a conscious effort to update my blog more frequently.  Thank you for your encouragement.  :)

It's in our most vulnerable moments that the enemy loves to pounce on us.  He's crouching at the door, lurking like a lion seeking a perfect time to devour.  The furthest thing is mercy on his mind but rather, "Just give it to her."  He seeks to kill, steal and destroy.  Not sure what is to be taken lightly about that???

As I say goodbye to Roger this morning as he travels for work, it's definitely been an adjustment for us and continues to be as a couple madly in love.  YES!  We really do both love each other's company.  It's hard to say goodbye but being a single mom for 8 years I know quite well how an independent woman rises to the task.  But I'm also sensitive to not resort back to "not desiring" or "needing" a husband to carry me through this alone time, but loving him from a far while fully continuing to rely on our Lord.

Needless to say, one of my least favourite things to take care of as a woman (you can ask many people around me) is maintenance of anything mechanical, especially car things.  I just appreciate my acura new and clean, not having to worry about it.  I know... perhaps a little princessy, but Roger has taken joy in caring for me in this.  A few times I've had flat tires this year and it has left me crying at the side of road with a tire destroyed down to the rim.

You can see where this is going. ;)

So yes... I come out of a meeting at church RIGHT after saying goodbye to Roger and my back tire is completely flat.

I look around and see three amazing men of our church working on another project.  I simply ask for their help and in a heart beat they are all around me, compressor, jack, spare tires, etc.  I feel surrounded by heaven's help.

I head to the tire place again (4th time this year) frustrated as I love managing my time effectively while maximizing all moments.  This has caused a major delay in the tasks for the day.  Having been here so many times, the guy at the shop knows me instantly and doesn't even ask my name.  (sigh)

He looks at it and says it's punctured and I need a new one.  We will need to get it tomorrow.  At this point I don't want to spend the money, come back, or even deal with it.  I can't respond for fear of crying in front of him.  I simply nodd my head.

He drives my car around and I feel convicted for a frustrated attitude which wasn't his fault and so I say, "I'm sorry." Then I try to choke back my tears but I start bawling.  He's taken back... "Oh I know Miss... I'm sorry too.  I know it's the last thing you want to buy is another tire..."  I get myself together and bow my head humbly as I get in my car, embarrassed and still crying.

As I drive away... I ask "Why am I so distraught?"  Then it's as if the Holy Spirit reveals the depth of my heart to me. "It's not the tire as much as it's the one thing you'd love Roger to be here for to help you with.  It's his departure that causes the sadness and the enemy is looking to simply jump all over it."

I still need to cry for a bit just to let it out in the quietness of my car.  But then I knew I simply needed to give it to God.  The enemy works hard to separate marriages.  I see it.  But he's not going to stop we just need to get on our game.  God's given us everything we need to win, but we need to play.  His way.

So I start talking to Him (praying) and found myself reflecting on and thanking Him that He provided these 3 angels to take care of me, right at the church so I wasn't at the side of the road.  And everyone worked instantly to help me.  Then I asked simply that He'd give me some token or sign of His affection in that moment, even a verse that would comfort me of His presence.

So I turn to my audible bible cd, and sure enough, THERE HE IS.  Right at that exact spot.

Philippians 4:6, 7  "Carrie, Don't be anxious about ANYTHING... not even tires or Roger's departure BUT in EVERYTHING (yes,even tires and Roger's departure) by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to Me.  Then MY peace, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."

See when I give it to Him, He provides.  Provides peace that actually guards my heart in this moment to remind me that He is FOR ROGER AND I.  That He loves "US" and me and cares about everything.

I am humbled in this moment to be reminded that the God of the universe and ancient of days is ever near to me even in trivial things.

I didn't even want to go on to my next assignment until I wrote this not only to encourage you but to give Him all the glory due Him.

He is MORE THAN ENOUGH.  Try, test, see, taste, touch and I promise you if you seek Him with all your heart, no matter the situation He SHALL BE FOUND.

God, I am humbled that you love me.  So much.  So So much.
xo