Personal Reflection from Wed Night Youth

Wed night youth was powerful! Powerful in that we hosted a place in rest, solitude, reflection, confession and encouragement, prayers, songs, and reading His word with all our leaders and Sr. Highs up in the very top of the sanctuary seated on the floor in a huge circle around the cross with our candles that represented our souls, some brightly burning some dark and cold. It was out of obedience that we ended up there as God was speaking to my heart to discard my own agenda for Wed night and rather do what He was asking me to do. In obedience I have found great fullness in life and this would be no exception. We didn't know all of what to expect but as leaders we prayed and sought the Lord's Spirit to draw those that would come and hence an email call I sent out to those that were serious. Serious about LIFE. Not games and entertainment... man you can go anywhere in our city to get that, but rather the deeper truths of life. The response still dumbfounds me. I am overwhelmed with how many He is indeed working in and through.

There is no denying God's Spirit was felt strongly. From the countless tears, ministry overflow, even emails and the many that wrote their names in my prayer journal that evening are only scratching the surface. One of my leaders went home that night and was stirred to spend more time with God in His word and wrote this in his email, "it was a powerful night, and Carrie you were right the breeze of the Spirit swept through that room last night in the moment. It was Real, and the light of Jesus shone bright. It lifted most of us up, saturating us in LOVE. It lifted me up."

I say this to set the stage to what God continued to do in my own heart. That night I continued to feel and sense God moving in certain individuals that I couldn't get to but openly confessed to Roger. So cool to see these people continue to email or follow up simply listening His voice even days after! I couldn't get to sleep until 2:20am... I was so moved in the Spirit it was as if this burning power was at work in me. I felt as if I could run a marathon. After we cleaned up that evening I could sense God telling me to leave the cross there and that I could get it tomorrow.

I awoke so refreshed in the Spirit despite a few hours of sleep and took my bible, and prayer journal with these names I wanted to bring before the Lord. We talked about them all and reflected on things I could see God doing in them last night. Then I read, Exodus 40:36 in my own personal study. It says, "In all the travels of the Israelites, whenever the cloud lifted from above the tabernacle, the would set out; but if the cloud did not lift, they did not set out until the day it lifted." The cloud represented God and these people realized the absolute dependency on HIS PRESENCE... so much that they would stay as long as HE stayed. I started to ponder this thought with ministry and what happened last night? God literally called me to change it all on Monday, but trusting, relying and depending on His Spirit. Do I ruthlessly pursue His presence above all. Will I wait with our entire troop as their leader to know that the cloud has not lifted? Do I WAIT on the Lord... Do I let Him lead, no strings attached, no agenda of my own.. but rather host a place for His glory and presence to fall?? You see that is where the witness of Almighty God needs no introduction??? His presence is undeniable... supernatural... to a believer or non!

I began to let Him stir my heart even more. And with tears I knew I needed to go back to the cross we sat around last night, and with this book of names and just THANK HIM... so I did just that.

Got in my car and completely focused went to the highest point in our sanctuary where the cross stood resurrected. I was praying no one would come into my path simply in that I didn't want to be distracted or take away from this sense of His presence I could feel burning in me.

As I got to the last fleet of stairs with my prayer journal, (1800 vacant sanctuary seats) I see an empty offering bowl at the bottom of the stairs. The Lord has me pick it up and open my prayer journal to the place with all their names placing it in the bowl. I then carry it up the stairs. I get to the top where He desires me to take my shoes off. It is a delight for me to honor Him in this for I felt as if this was had remained a holy place.

I kneel before the cross, setting down my offering. I look around the space reminded of how full it was with students and thinking of all God was doing here. Then I started to cry. Tears strolled down my cheeks as I began to simply thank Him for His presence. For what He is doing in these young people.

Then he had me look at the names in my book. "Carrie this is your offering to me... this is what I desire. See how each name is handwritten so differently... each is unique. EACH is a SOUL to me... so PRICELESS IN VALUE. " I started to weep more. "Carrie, I love each one of these SO MUCH and now I want you to begin to carry them with this fervency before me. I will cause your heart to love each of them deeply." I began to run my finger over each name. There was a name tag that had fallen off way down on the stairs, He moved my heart to go get it. I looked and she hadn't written her name in my book, but again realizing that God had her... He wanted her. Wow. So I stuck the label in my book."

Then I began to think of the scripture how Paul said to one of his churches, "You are written on my heart" and "that they were His crown to God." His offering?? Wow... How He was teaching me in this moment. Then He had me lie down at the foot of the cross and take the open book of names and lie it across my chest. Again reminded how the Priest would have the names of the tribes of Israel written across His chest close to His heart. Oh I cried more.

I did have the thought... if someone came up and saw me I might freak them out?? Then I dismissed that quickly to realize that "THIS IS MINISTRY" TRUE MINISTRY that God himself was teaching me. As I lied there I talked to Him for another hour and He gave an amazing vision that I will hold on to forever. I shared it with Roger but will refrain at this time of going into it. Afterwards my heart was flooded with a peace despite my eyes swollen and red.

I then took up the cross literally. Carried it down the stairs all the way back to my office and was reminded that I will indeed, all the days of my life, to pick up my cross and follow the ONLY hero in this life... JESUS CHRIST.

"Lord, even in this moment, my prayer is that you will continue to teach me what you desire YOUR Pastor to be. TEACH me O Lord to lead YOUR people YOUR way. Help me to listen and obey, to rest in your presence and move when you move. Forgive me for not treasuring each of these young people's soul as you do. Let my heart continue to burn with a jealous love for these you have given me. That they would begin to taste and see for themselves the richness of your love. Your love is better than life!!" (Psalm 63:3)