The last three days have me immersed in sharing the grief of a dear family that has returned from Maui without their 20 year old son, due to the tragic loss in the pull of the ocean's rip tide.
They will be having the memorial service at Trinity and I have been asked do the service. I don't take this lightly, actually completely opposite. My heart aches and despairs more than any other part of my job when I am asked to do such. Those that know me, know I won't just go through the motions, (my gifting of discernment doesn't even allow that) but rather I will chose to live and breathe this loss with this family that I might honor and love and respect them in such a difficult time. Not only do I desire to be there for them, but in these 4 days, KNOW as much of Bryce as possible that I can speak intimately and sincerely as a gift to them and so many others that will be there.
But above all I find myself constantly speaking and listening with God for HIS words, that I would speak and share His heart at this time. In this time and witnessing this families' love for one another ,I am so deeply moved in my spirit and once again revisit the gift that life truly is.
God has indeed given me His thoughts and words in the past 48 hours. It never ceases to amaze me when I listen and withdraw to understand, He speaks so clearly to me. But He knows that my heart is for Him. For these days were my days off, to even be with my husband in Vancouver near the olympics and pre celebrations to his sister's wedding, to have girl time with my daughter, and yet God has asked me to do something else. My flesh doesn't want to ... and yet God speaks to my heart to say "This is a high calling Carrie, do this for me."
So I surrender and these last 4 days I minister fully on His clock. But in this time, I am in awe of how He continues to pour thoughts, and words and insight even in Bryce's life to me.
Losing a 20 year old on vacation, and then speaking comfort and love, and officiating a large memorial service stretches me. Give me thousands of people to speak, and motivate on a specific topic... different story. And yet God brings to memory a time 7 years ago in a conversation we had.
I was sitting at my high school friend, Jenn's, father's funeral. All my high school friends were there and I had come in, dressed in my suit straight from Telus and sat at the very back of the funeral home. I remember how distraught so many of my friends were in this sudden passing of a dad that we all knew even as friends hanging at her house. And then an older somewhat expressionless man got up and officiated the service very matter of factly. It seemed so cold and mundane that I remember burning with almost an anger in me, not being judgemental but realizing such pain in and around me needed more comfort. So I whispered, "O Lord, if you ever gave me the chance to do a service like this, I would do it with my heart." And then somewhat laughed it off realizing that was the farthest stretch of my imagination as I closed off fourth Quarter leading in Sales with Telus.
It was just recently God reminds me of this and once again I'm humbled. Bowing before Him, sitting at His feet longing to listen to Him give me His words that I would simply portray His love to those that long for it desperately at this time. Is this not what life is about? Without God's love we're lost. I am called to share it, to be a witness to it.
Teach us to number our days a right that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12. This will be the theme of the message He gives me.
Even now He's teaching me that these last four days were numbered by Him to be poured out to others in their deepest moments. I find joy and peace knowing I am walking in His will.
We will be measured on how we did with the days He gave us. Each one of us has our number already determined and each day it gets smaller. If you could see your number now, would you procrastinate or live each day fully?
What if life is simply a test? We shall be measured according to what we are given.
I shall proclaim to our Lord what David said, "Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days, let me know how fleeting is my life." Psalm 39:4
Life is but a breath. Here today and gone tomorrow. As I inhale His goodness may I exhale His love.
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